I write this knowing I probably won't publish this until I know the outcome of her testing tomorrow.
Tomorrow I go to the neuro pysch and hear what his evaluation is of how Kath learns. I know from past experiences and from how she did on the test while I sat there, that she won't score well. But I also know that she knows MUCH more than she ever shows at these tests.
She is asked to do many tasks she does every single day...repeat back words, phrases, sentences. When she and Alex play together, Alex will feed her lines. Kath will recite entire sentences. But when asked to repeat in a testing situation "Sleep well" she turns her head to the side and ducks under my arm as if her brain can't handle it.
When she is asked to look at pictures and decide relationships and connections, she again turns away and acts as though she doesn't know what a relationship is.
When asked what objects in a picture are, she crosses her arms, looks away and hides her eyes.
All of this appears to be signs of a girl with very short term memory who cannot recall words, doesn't understand relationships, and so on. Yet this very same girl recites lines from her sister; looks at art work in the gallery and tells me the 'story behind the picture' from clues some adults don't notice; when we visit people's houses she remembers what we ate or some other obscure thing from months ago; or a day or so later she'll ask me a question of understanding the motivation of a character in a movie she saw ('why did that mommy try to sink her daughter?'...from the movie "10th Kingdom." It's not as bad as this sounds.). I love that although she has no idea the word 'drown' exists, she found a word and made it work for understanding. Pretty cool, huh?
Kath learns differently. I used to say the world just needs to slow down so Kath can catch up, but sometimes I think we should all slow down because Kath notices things the rest of us are missing.
This girl with a vision issue, a possible field cut, will see a dandelion, or a wild blue flower (no idea what it is called) and just need to go capture it, show me, pick it. She will stop us in our tracks during a walk through a parking lot to pick up a rock we bypassed and show us its amazing inner beauty.
The girl with CP and a lack of fine motor control will grip the pencil in a most awkward position (believe me I try to make her more comfortable with the 'correct' grip, but now I wonder if I should just shut up and leave her alone) and she will draw pictures that when anyone looks at them, look like an absolute mess of scribbles. But if you request a walk through that picture you see so much thought, originality and feeling. AND if you pick up that picture a week later and ask her to explain it again...she will say the same thing. Because it IS what she said it is. She's not just scribbling.
This girl with CP also loves to dance. When she dances her whole body lights up and smiles. She giggles that joyful laugh of someone absolutely filled with love and joy of what she's doing. She is in love with what her body can do. And her body doesn't even listen to her brain half the time.
This girl has speech issues, but if you could hear the songs she makes up! They vary from beautiful ballads to the worst bathroom humor thrown into a melody. Oy.
My girl's eyes light with impish delight and bold creativity and thirsty intellect. But whenever she takes these tests, or must 'perform' on demand, in a school setting especially, she folds her arms, pulls her heart and soul into her turtle shell and refuses to dance.
This is why I say the world should not judge others who learn differently and tag them as "disabled" or "slow." The world may look at my daughter's skills and think they know her abilities and her limits, they may think her scores say or justify them saying, "Oh, she is special ed and needs to learn more slowly. She needs...."
Yes, my daughter learns differently. Somethings fast. Somethings slow. Just like most children do. But she has shown me that learning is definitely not linear. Kath learns by doing, redoing. Discussing, reading, thinking, acting it out. Sometimes repeating all over again. (I learn best that way too, hmmm, I wonder how many of us do.)
She works harder than many of us ever have to. She knows the world spins the same for the rest of us, but for her a bit faster because she so often falls down (and we don't), so she has to fight that gravity pull every day. She knows the world deals with letters and numbers so she's pushing to get that darn E and F and M and N and V, and W figured out.
But Kath walked into IHOP today and handed the waitress who greeted us with a huge smiley welcome, one of her special shells from her beach trip last week. She did this just because that lady was nice to us. She draws pictures (remember they look like scribbles to most others) and gives them to people she meets who seem nice. (I think she has a stack in the back of the van somewhere and she pulls them out when needed.) She will give people change (she has stolen from me) and she hands it to the next nice person. She will pick a flower, love it (sometimes cut it from my garden...ugh), then hand the dried up wilted thing to the next person she sees and likes.
I have no idea whether or not people really understand the gift she is bestowing. Most of them are so nice and thrilled looking, they must have an inkling.
But this behavior, this type of 'knowledge' of how to be kind, how to treat others, is never tested on these evaluations and these acts show me more about what type of person Kath is, what her cognitive abilities are, than the hours and hours of testing she has gone through to evaluate her cognitive abilities.
So, thank you for reading this post because by writing this out tonight I went from thinking I needed another bowl of stress ice cream as I worried about her results tomorrow to being okay with the Kath who IS NOW and who IS GROWING and learning everyday. (And I will leave my starting sentence as a testimony to how differently I thought this writing entry was going to be.)
Wow, writing again saved my sanity. Although maybe I deserve that bowl of ice cream anyway....
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
What is it about writing, anyway?
When I first started this blog, and so aptly named it 'Attempts at Clarity,' I was trying to document my writing life. It was to be a blog about how I made writing my centre, how I was about to finish my Young Adult story that had been floating in and between my fingers for the previous two years, and well, it was also to be a bit of a sanity break.
I didn't envision it to be useful to anyone other than me. It would force me to be honest and to write. The end.
After that brave announcement I didn't write again for two months. Kath was diagnosed with having survived her massive stroke and the blog morphed into talking about what was going on with my family, especially Kath. I found reading a blog by another mom to be useful so I had a new mission, to perhaps be another mom's 'voice in the dark.'
Over time I sometimes bounced in and out of actually listening to myself and the power of writing and I wrote...the name of this blog came true.
I write to try to clarify what I am living. Sometimes when I live and breathe I feel like I am muddling through the dark murky underwater of an alternative life. I peek up through it and see other people living 'normal lives' and I wonder who I may have killed in a previous life (like I'm living down a past life penance) that makes it seem I ALWAYS have so much going on.
I write to tell the story that is so clear in my mind sometimes that it's like a memory. That is a bit spooky when I go to relay an event/story and realize it's really one I created... :)
I write to remember because my memory seems to be suffering from some kind of ...what was I saying?
I write because if I don't I feel like I am not living. That may sounds weird to some of you, but when I write...I'm calmer, I understand more, I see more. That's probably the same for anyone who has a secret/or-not-so secret passion involving creativity (maybe just any kind of hobby).
My attempts at clarity are my reaching out to the 'normal world' and saying, "Hey, is there room for me?" And sometimes there are voices I hear and sometimes I hear nothing back.
Lately the voices (at least the ones in my head) have been clamoring to be heard (and read). They are tired of being silenced and placed on the 'After I Do Suchandsuch I Will Write' burner in my life. Lately I can almost taste this other life that I feel I need to grab onto...My Writing Life...with the feeling of 'the rest will be taken care of if I trust myself and the plan.' But I still also feel the pull of living in the 'normal world' and having a normal life/career/obligations/pension, so I get scared and go back to playing my part.
But this month I challenged myself to writing 50,000 words. I wanted to see if I really did have a Young Adult novel in me. I'm only a little past half way there with less than a few days of July to go, but I have written the beginning of a pretty decent story (if I do say so myself!). And I have found faith in myself. I will reach at least 50,000 by the end of the summer, but now I KNOW I've got 'it', so arbitrary lines in the sand are not as important to me at this point.
I wrote by hand this month, I carried a blue composition notebook with me everywhere. I wrote just about every day. I even wrote with a pencil (I love my pens), but I learned the differences of pencils--the ones made with REAL wood write much better! :) If I had 10 minutes, I wrote. This, in between visits to NYC, Long Island, the Science Museum, the Art Museum, doctor appointments, graduation parties, and the day to day summer world. Writing by hand somehow allowed my brain the ability to slow the white noise of the outside world and listen to that voice that keeps telling me to WRITE, to have faith in myself, and in my story.
And while doing this, listening to the voices in my head...guess what? I found I am seeing things with clarity. See? Writing works! It helps you make sense of your world, the real one and even the imaginary ones you create.
Join me for the second half of the summer. Pull up a notebook and a pencil. It doesn't have to be a Young Adult novel or a bestseller. It just has to be you writing for clarity, clarity for yourself. And be sure to let me know know how it goes! (What do you have to lose?)
Happy writing!
I didn't envision it to be useful to anyone other than me. It would force me to be honest and to write. The end.
After that brave announcement I didn't write again for two months. Kath was diagnosed with having survived her massive stroke and the blog morphed into talking about what was going on with my family, especially Kath. I found reading a blog by another mom to be useful so I had a new mission, to perhaps be another mom's 'voice in the dark.'
Over time I sometimes bounced in and out of actually listening to myself and the power of writing and I wrote...the name of this blog came true.
I write to try to clarify what I am living. Sometimes when I live and breathe I feel like I am muddling through the dark murky underwater of an alternative life. I peek up through it and see other people living 'normal lives' and I wonder who I may have killed in a previous life (like I'm living down a past life penance) that makes it seem I ALWAYS have so much going on.
I write to tell the story that is so clear in my mind sometimes that it's like a memory. That is a bit spooky when I go to relay an event/story and realize it's really one I created... :)
I write to remember because my memory seems to be suffering from some kind of ...what was I saying?
I write because if I don't I feel like I am not living. That may sounds weird to some of you, but when I write...I'm calmer, I understand more, I see more. That's probably the same for anyone who has a secret/or-not-so secret passion involving creativity (maybe just any kind of hobby).
My attempts at clarity are my reaching out to the 'normal world' and saying, "Hey, is there room for me?" And sometimes there are voices I hear and sometimes I hear nothing back.
Lately the voices (at least the ones in my head) have been clamoring to be heard (and read). They are tired of being silenced and placed on the 'After I Do Suchandsuch I Will Write' burner in my life. Lately I can almost taste this other life that I feel I need to grab onto...My Writing Life...with the feeling of 'the rest will be taken care of if I trust myself and the plan.' But I still also feel the pull of living in the 'normal world' and having a normal life/career/obligations/pension, so I get scared and go back to playing my part.
But this month I challenged myself to writing 50,000 words. I wanted to see if I really did have a Young Adult novel in me. I'm only a little past half way there with less than a few days of July to go, but I have written the beginning of a pretty decent story (if I do say so myself!). And I have found faith in myself. I will reach at least 50,000 by the end of the summer, but now I KNOW I've got 'it', so arbitrary lines in the sand are not as important to me at this point.
I wrote by hand this month, I carried a blue composition notebook with me everywhere. I wrote just about every day. I even wrote with a pencil (I love my pens), but I learned the differences of pencils--the ones made with REAL wood write much better! :) If I had 10 minutes, I wrote. This, in between visits to NYC, Long Island, the Science Museum, the Art Museum, doctor appointments, graduation parties, and the day to day summer world. Writing by hand somehow allowed my brain the ability to slow the white noise of the outside world and listen to that voice that keeps telling me to WRITE, to have faith in myself, and in my story.
And while doing this, listening to the voices in my head...guess what? I found I am seeing things with clarity. See? Writing works! It helps you make sense of your world, the real one and even the imaginary ones you create.
Join me for the second half of the summer. Pull up a notebook and a pencil. It doesn't have to be a Young Adult novel or a bestseller. It just has to be you writing for clarity, clarity for yourself. And be sure to let me know know how it goes! (What do you have to lose?)
Happy writing!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
A Quilt of Faith...looong.
I love how different parts of our lives converge and either show us we are on the right path...or we need readjusting, if you believe that sort of thing. When the girls and I visited my son Chris in NYC he told me that I had the craziest idea of religion he had ever seen.
I took that as a compliment.
I've reached this point in my life where I take a lot of different pieces of a lot of different pieces of life and pull them together to make sense for me. Chris noticed I believe in some Catholicism, Law of Attraction, and kidded me about loving tarot cards.
Pretty observant, though he did forget I believe in manifesting and healing touch, too. :)
Since Nick's head trauma and Kath's diagnosis I have gone through many different ways of trying to deal with what life throws at me. When Nick ran into the wall during gym class 5 years ago he had: two seizures; he broke his first right rib; chipped his sternum; broke his left clavicle; punctured his left lung; bled blood and spinal fluid from his ear; and broke irreparable bones in his ear (constant ringing), but we were so relieved he wasn't paralyzed. However, this past year he has been diagnosed with post-concussive syndrome, which brings another whole bag of worms to his 22 year-old table.
Then came Kath's stroke diagnosis. Cerebral palsy. Mirror damage on both sides of her brain. Speech delayed. Vision impaired. Cognitive delays. Tons of therapies, specialists and remapping of our lives.
A week after Kath's diagnosis, Roger flipped his car during a snow storm and ended up with 6 staples in his head, and a totaled car. A few weeks before we had taken the collision coverage off that car to save money. We were already magnificently behind in bills from the past several years of my job sharing, and a few other unfortunate events, so financially we spiraled even faster and deeper.
For a long time I was afraid. There was a metaphorical elephant sitting on my chest. It hurt to breath. I couldn't write. I was stuck in a rut. A serious rut, spinning my wheels and not gaining any ground...even though we had friends who reached down and tried to pull us out...even though I knew that in order to help my kids I would have to pull myself out. I tried to 'fake it' for awhile, but it was exhausting to be afraid every second. I was always waiting for more bad stuff to happen.
One night I found on the internet, a mom who blogged about her daughter who has CP. I was able to follow her story for two years, all in one night. I felt some chest tightness release. I found some hope.
I also found a group of women on a list serve, from all over the world (Children's Hemiplagia And Stroke Association) who helped me to see Kath's future could be pretty terrific. They also showed me the power of women, and their strength, especially when having to find/make a path for their children.
A high school friend (Monika) introduced me to a concept I had previously been exposed to. This time it took. (I didn't have anything to lose.) It is the Law of Attraction. I chose my words carefully, I try to envision what I want, and not what I fear.
Another friend introduced me to Healing Touch (Doris). I saw Kath's reaction to it. It was powerful. Life changing.
One day I found I was able to listen to music again. The radio station said it was "A Positive Alternative." Turned out it is a religious station (Air 1). Somehow it helped me to take bigger breaths and to pray again.
I also found myself surrounded by an amazing group of 'old' students and fellow teachers who grounded me and helped me stay focused on the positives. And who reminded me of what I do right.
I have pulled together all of these pieces of my life and found a way to get through. My faith might seem like a giant stew of Faith, but one of the most important 'bottom lines' was that I had to reopen my heart to friends. For awhile it just took so much energy to stay positive for Kath and Nick, it took so much energy to do research to understand and then also see the possibilities ...that I just could not deal with anything or anyone else.
It took me awhile to pull together this quilt ( I prefer that image rather than stew :)) of Faith that I wrap myself up in. It took me awhile to realize that as Lynne McTaggart said, we have a 'necessity of establishing bond 'pods' - small communities created with our human values restored.' It took me awhile to realize that it was okay that I was using what I needed from a variety of sources. It also took me awhile to realize that it was okay that it was taking me awhile to get back on my feet.
When I felt strong enough to reach out I found the hands of some friends still waited for me, waiting to help me up. Willing to walk with me on this path I found myself on. I found that I couldn't do it by myself, I needed those 'pods' of trusted friends.
Regardless, my patchwork Quilt of Faith has taken me to this point where things are coming together, the writing is flowing more creatively and fluidly (hope you agree too :)), relationships are building and my smile is genuine. It's a summer of re-energizing and faith and reflection.
Here's to believing, leaning, persevering and the friends not afraid to get messy. Hope you have found your own quilt of faith that gets you through too.
I took that as a compliment.
I've reached this point in my life where I take a lot of different pieces of a lot of different pieces of life and pull them together to make sense for me. Chris noticed I believe in some Catholicism, Law of Attraction, and kidded me about loving tarot cards.
Pretty observant, though he did forget I believe in manifesting and healing touch, too. :)
Since Nick's head trauma and Kath's diagnosis I have gone through many different ways of trying to deal with what life throws at me. When Nick ran into the wall during gym class 5 years ago he had: two seizures; he broke his first right rib; chipped his sternum; broke his left clavicle; punctured his left lung; bled blood and spinal fluid from his ear; and broke irreparable bones in his ear (constant ringing), but we were so relieved he wasn't paralyzed. However, this past year he has been diagnosed with post-concussive syndrome, which brings another whole bag of worms to his 22 year-old table.
Then came Kath's stroke diagnosis. Cerebral palsy. Mirror damage on both sides of her brain. Speech delayed. Vision impaired. Cognitive delays. Tons of therapies, specialists and remapping of our lives.
A week after Kath's diagnosis, Roger flipped his car during a snow storm and ended up with 6 staples in his head, and a totaled car. A few weeks before we had taken the collision coverage off that car to save money. We were already magnificently behind in bills from the past several years of my job sharing, and a few other unfortunate events, so financially we spiraled even faster and deeper.
For a long time I was afraid. There was a metaphorical elephant sitting on my chest. It hurt to breath. I couldn't write. I was stuck in a rut. A serious rut, spinning my wheels and not gaining any ground...even though we had friends who reached down and tried to pull us out...even though I knew that in order to help my kids I would have to pull myself out. I tried to 'fake it' for awhile, but it was exhausting to be afraid every second. I was always waiting for more bad stuff to happen.
One night I found on the internet, a mom who blogged about her daughter who has CP. I was able to follow her story for two years, all in one night. I felt some chest tightness release. I found some hope.
I also found a group of women on a list serve, from all over the world (Children's Hemiplagia And Stroke Association) who helped me to see Kath's future could be pretty terrific. They also showed me the power of women, and their strength, especially when having to find/make a path for their children.
A high school friend (Monika) introduced me to a concept I had previously been exposed to. This time it took. (I didn't have anything to lose.) It is the Law of Attraction. I chose my words carefully, I try to envision what I want, and not what I fear.
Another friend introduced me to Healing Touch (Doris). I saw Kath's reaction to it. It was powerful. Life changing.
One day I found I was able to listen to music again. The radio station said it was "A Positive Alternative." Turned out it is a religious station (Air 1). Somehow it helped me to take bigger breaths and to pray again.
I also found myself surrounded by an amazing group of 'old' students and fellow teachers who grounded me and helped me stay focused on the positives. And who reminded me of what I do right.
I have pulled together all of these pieces of my life and found a way to get through. My faith might seem like a giant stew of Faith, but one of the most important 'bottom lines' was that I had to reopen my heart to friends. For awhile it just took so much energy to stay positive for Kath and Nick, it took so much energy to do research to understand and then also see the possibilities ...that I just could not deal with anything or anyone else.
It took me awhile to pull together this quilt ( I prefer that image rather than stew :)) of Faith that I wrap myself up in. It took me awhile to realize that as Lynne McTaggart said, we have a 'necessity of establishing bond 'pods' - small communities created with our human values restored.' It took me awhile to realize that it was okay that I was using what I needed from a variety of sources. It also took me awhile to realize that it was okay that it was taking me awhile to get back on my feet.
When I felt strong enough to reach out I found the hands of some friends still waited for me, waiting to help me up. Willing to walk with me on this path I found myself on. I found that I couldn't do it by myself, I needed those 'pods' of trusted friends.
Regardless, my patchwork Quilt of Faith has taken me to this point where things are coming together, the writing is flowing more creatively and fluidly (hope you agree too :)), relationships are building and my smile is genuine. It's a summer of re-energizing and faith and reflection.
Here's to believing, leaning, persevering and the friends not afraid to get messy. Hope you have found your own quilt of faith that gets you through too.
Monday, July 18, 2011
July already?
Ok, so I real haven't been too good about getting 'back on track' since I haven't written since May.
The school year ended in a whirlwind. I felt completely drained. Questioned my passion for my job and my ability to continue. My core, my beliefs about teaching are being questioned because of this anti-education shift, the new teacher 'evaluations' and so much more.
I am so glad it is summer so I can try to readjust to what and how I have to approach the new year. Hmmm...notice something? I didn't start with Kath. Although a ton of things have gone on with her, I am finally able to swallow it and live it. Yes, I analyze and try to negotiate the best way to teach her, guide her and at the same time treat her like a kid, but I have gotten into a somewhat comfortable rhythm. It may sound weird but I've figured out how to read her.
We decided that for the summer we would give Kath some time to just be a kid. So she is not going to summer school and she is not having any therapies. She made a comment one day in her effort to be able to stay home, "Anyway, momma. I saw the sign on the door, it says school is closed, I don't have to go!" Think she needed a break. :) Since she has been home she has started to not be so upset when she uses a pencil (she would get overwhelmed and put it down without trying too much), she has done better with going potty, she has put on her own panties...by herself!! and much more. We went for a neuro pysch eval and will get the results next week.
This summer we have also gone back to the ENT (ears, nose and throat dr) for Alex. He wasn't ready to take her tonsils out....unless she got one more case of strep during the summer. If she got one case during the summer...when most kids DON'T get strep, that would be a pretty convincing argument of how bad things would get again for her this school year. Three days later she was sick and after the July 4th holiday she was diagnosed with strep again. AND she also has a few oddball side effects. One is that her knee (joints) are tender and that she has a facial tic, she blinks her eyes in an exaggerated manner. We are hoping that if we don't pay too much attention it will go away, but she's been off the medicine for almost a week and she is still tic-ing. She goes in to have her tonsils removed Aug 1st.
A few things we have done this summer:
~ Kath has been working on remembering her ABC's and she has started to try to write them.
~ Alex has been reading chapter books on her own for the family reading contest.
~ The girls have each attended science museum classes
~ and art classes.
~ They each take dance classes.
~ We have a garden trying its hardest not to grow, we each have sections to try to get to grow.
~ We have gone to the movies, girls and I saw Cars. Roger and I saw Harry Potter. And I have gone to the movies a few times with a few friends.
~ The girls and I took Amtrak to the city where we visited Big Bro Chris. We stayed at his apartment, took subways, taxis, a bus and a ferry. We saw the Statue of Liberty (or as Kath called it The Statue of Libya).
~ The girls and I went to Long Island and stayed with Grandma Steiger, visited Grandpa Steiger as well as Uncle Charlie, the Fire Island Lighthouse and the Robert Moses beach and the Lindenhurst docks, where we met a one legged sea gull.
~ Alex and I are up to Book II of the Harry Potter books.
~ And I have made July my Novel Writing month and although I am only at 11,000 (as of the first rough draft of this, and half the month is over, I am totally amazed by how far my story has come and how much writing I've done...especially considering how much traveling the girls and I have done.
~ I am shadowing a teen summer writing camp this week, so I've actually been able to get a lot of writing in.
While we traveled we left Roger to continue with his second job, take care of the animals and to write. He is working on several stories too.
I am working on reworking my blog, and I will be trying to set up new pictures soon too.
Hope this blog finds you all well.
Enjoy!
So...that maybe sorta did some kind of catching up...
The school year ended in a whirlwind. I felt completely drained. Questioned my passion for my job and my ability to continue. My core, my beliefs about teaching are being questioned because of this anti-education shift, the new teacher 'evaluations' and so much more.
I am so glad it is summer so I can try to readjust to what and how I have to approach the new year. Hmmm...notice something? I didn't start with Kath. Although a ton of things have gone on with her, I am finally able to swallow it and live it. Yes, I analyze and try to negotiate the best way to teach her, guide her and at the same time treat her like a kid, but I have gotten into a somewhat comfortable rhythm. It may sound weird but I've figured out how to read her.
We decided that for the summer we would give Kath some time to just be a kid. So she is not going to summer school and she is not having any therapies. She made a comment one day in her effort to be able to stay home, "Anyway, momma. I saw the sign on the door, it says school is closed, I don't have to go!" Think she needed a break. :) Since she has been home she has started to not be so upset when she uses a pencil (she would get overwhelmed and put it down without trying too much), she has done better with going potty, she has put on her own panties...by herself!! and much more. We went for a neuro pysch eval and will get the results next week.
This summer we have also gone back to the ENT (ears, nose and throat dr) for Alex. He wasn't ready to take her tonsils out....unless she got one more case of strep during the summer. If she got one case during the summer...when most kids DON'T get strep, that would be a pretty convincing argument of how bad things would get again for her this school year. Three days later she was sick and after the July 4th holiday she was diagnosed with strep again. AND she also has a few oddball side effects. One is that her knee (joints) are tender and that she has a facial tic, she blinks her eyes in an exaggerated manner. We are hoping that if we don't pay too much attention it will go away, but she's been off the medicine for almost a week and she is still tic-ing. She goes in to have her tonsils removed Aug 1st.
A few things we have done this summer:
~ Kath has been working on remembering her ABC's and she has started to try to write them.
~ Alex has been reading chapter books on her own for the family reading contest.
~ The girls have each attended science museum classes
~ and art classes.
~ They each take dance classes.
~ We have a garden trying its hardest not to grow, we each have sections to try to get to grow.
~ We have gone to the movies, girls and I saw Cars. Roger and I saw Harry Potter. And I have gone to the movies a few times with a few friends.
~ The girls and I took Amtrak to the city where we visited Big Bro Chris. We stayed at his apartment, took subways, taxis, a bus and a ferry. We saw the Statue of Liberty (or as Kath called it The Statue of Libya).
~ The girls and I went to Long Island and stayed with Grandma Steiger, visited Grandpa Steiger as well as Uncle Charlie, the Fire Island Lighthouse and the Robert Moses beach and the Lindenhurst docks, where we met a one legged sea gull.
~ Alex and I are up to Book II of the Harry Potter books.
~ And I have made July my Novel Writing month and although I am only at 11,000 (as of the first rough draft of this, and half the month is over, I am totally amazed by how far my story has come and how much writing I've done...especially considering how much traveling the girls and I have done.
~ I am shadowing a teen summer writing camp this week, so I've actually been able to get a lot of writing in.
While we traveled we left Roger to continue with his second job, take care of the animals and to write. He is working on several stories too.
I am working on reworking my blog, and I will be trying to set up new pictures soon too.
Hope this blog finds you all well.
Enjoy!
So...that maybe sorta did some kind of catching up...
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I've decided there really is no way to catch up once you fall behind...
I'm now convinced that there really is no way to catch up, it is just a matter of prioritizing. Maybe if I didn't feel the need to live my life in ALL the areas that interest me...it would be easier. Maybe.
I will try to get back into a rhythm of writing and updating. The days just seem to be flying by. I started a few posts awhile ago...I might revamp/edit and send those out in the next few days, even though they are old.
Take a look at this week...Nick's birthday. He had to work on Thursday, and I had a writing group meeting where I had to present a lesson to fellow colleagues. So on Friday after school we went to Cracker Barrel (his choice) for dinner, then Stewarts for ice cream.
Saturday Roger woke me and told me about a Pitchapolooza (a special event where you 'pitch' your story idea. 25 randomly chosen writers have one minute to tell their story and win a meeting with an agent). I spent a few hours getting my pitch together, interrupted by Kath stepping on a mirror she was cleaning (we use it for therapy, to remind her that she has two sides of her body). We worked for an hour to make sure she was fine, all glass recovered, including a soaking bath. She is fine.
Thank goodness.
After the Pitchapolooza (I wasn't chosen, but learned tons about how I have to think to try to sell my story.) Then the girls and I ran straight to Target to get a birthday present for a party for Kath at a play museum an hour away. We ended up not having time to go home to get dressed so I bought new outfits for them then and there. The party was a lot of fun, even though all the kids play separately. Mostly due to their individual disabilities. I got to spend time with parents who truly notice and live in the world of small, wonderful steps forward, with a waltz occasionally backwards, sideways and such. Bittersweet. Then home.
Sadness overshaddowed the day because I found out that a fellow hemi/ stroke survivor family had lost their son. Eric went in for surgery to help control his seizures, but he seized while in surgery and suffered catastrophic injury to the other side of his brain. He died yesterday afternoon.
Our day today was centered around another birthday party as well as sandal shopping and food shopping. A good day.
Here is an excerpt from a facebook note I wrote:
"Today (Saturday) slammed me once again with the realization that our loved ones are truly gifts, and so is our time here. I mourn with Kelli for her loss and I am frightened by the specter of fear that Eric's events now mean for us and Kath's friends with similar stroke issues. The fact that Kath so thoughtlessly stepped on glass worries me. The idea that I was brave enough to go to that event and ready to stand before strangers and tell them about the story that means so much to me (even if I didn't really get the opportunity to strut my stuff!), shows me I'm ready to step out and bravely stand up for myself (not just my kids ;)).
My worlds all converged today and it wore me out, but it reinforced how grateful I am to be where I am, to be surrounded by those who stuck with me during such really, incredibly horrible times, and who are with me now still. I am grateful for the calmness between the storms and the friends who stand with me in the downpours, and laugh with me during it all, knowing if we don't grab onto the small joys as hard we do on the big, we won't be able to hold our breaths long enough to get through the storms.
My heart breaks with Eric's family. And I will pray for them and for their healing. I will also hug tighter and longer; sit and drink tea with my hubby and try to laugh more; seek out my friends to just hang and regroup; read; and especially write since that is how I seem to be able to make the most sense of this life when it really doesn't seem fair, right or just."
Well, before life gets in the way I will send this to post and probably revisit and edit it another 50 times later. :)
I will try to get back into a rhythm of writing and updating. The days just seem to be flying by. I started a few posts awhile ago...I might revamp/edit and send those out in the next few days, even though they are old.
Take a look at this week...Nick's birthday. He had to work on Thursday, and I had a writing group meeting where I had to present a lesson to fellow colleagues. So on Friday after school we went to Cracker Barrel (his choice) for dinner, then Stewarts for ice cream.
Saturday Roger woke me and told me about a Pitchapolooza (a special event where you 'pitch' your story idea. 25 randomly chosen writers have one minute to tell their story and win a meeting with an agent). I spent a few hours getting my pitch together, interrupted by Kath stepping on a mirror she was cleaning (we use it for therapy, to remind her that she has two sides of her body). We worked for an hour to make sure she was fine, all glass recovered, including a soaking bath. She is fine.
Thank goodness.
After the Pitchapolooza (I wasn't chosen, but learned tons about how I have to think to try to sell my story.) Then the girls and I ran straight to Target to get a birthday present for a party for Kath at a play museum an hour away. We ended up not having time to go home to get dressed so I bought new outfits for them then and there. The party was a lot of fun, even though all the kids play separately. Mostly due to their individual disabilities. I got to spend time with parents who truly notice and live in the world of small, wonderful steps forward, with a waltz occasionally backwards, sideways and such. Bittersweet. Then home.
Sadness overshaddowed the day because I found out that a fellow hemi/ stroke survivor family had lost their son. Eric went in for surgery to help control his seizures, but he seized while in surgery and suffered catastrophic injury to the other side of his brain. He died yesterday afternoon.
Our day today was centered around another birthday party as well as sandal shopping and food shopping. A good day.
Here is an excerpt from a facebook note I wrote:
"Today (Saturday) slammed me once again with the realization that our loved ones are truly gifts, and so is our time here. I mourn with Kelli for her loss and I am frightened by the specter of fear that Eric's events now mean for us and Kath's friends with similar stroke issues. The fact that Kath so thoughtlessly stepped on glass worries me. The idea that I was brave enough to go to that event and ready to stand before strangers and tell them about the story that means so much to me (even if I didn't really get the opportunity to strut my stuff!), shows me I'm ready to step out and bravely stand up for myself (not just my kids ;)).
My worlds all converged today and it wore me out, but it reinforced how grateful I am to be where I am, to be surrounded by those who stuck with me during such really, incredibly horrible times, and who are with me now still. I am grateful for the calmness between the storms and the friends who stand with me in the downpours, and laugh with me during it all, knowing if we don't grab onto the small joys as hard we do on the big, we won't be able to hold our breaths long enough to get through the storms.
My heart breaks with Eric's family. And I will pray for them and for their healing. I will also hug tighter and longer; sit and drink tea with my hubby and try to laugh more; seek out my friends to just hang and regroup; read; and especially write since that is how I seem to be able to make the most sense of this life when it really doesn't seem fair, right or just."
Well, before life gets in the way I will send this to post and probably revisit and edit it another 50 times later. :)
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Teaching...maybe I WILL run for president.
Yes, it is wonderful to have summers off. But honestly, do people pick their career because of that? Ok, they may start off thinking how easy it is, how great it is to have a teacher's schedule, but I think that is why new teachers burn out after just 5 years.
Correction, that is why some teachers burn out after 5 years. Some people choose teaching and others are chosen. Maybe. What do I know? It's 12:30AM and I can't sleep. I have woken up two times already and each time I was thinking about my teaching and my students/classes today.
It is like parenting some days, you wake up and say, "Wait! What did I say/not say to that kid today?" "Was that student spoken to by anyone today?" "Did I make an effort to make sure...?" "Did I get to that point I was trying to make when so-and so threw that paper and I had to stop...?"
In other words you lay in bed and wonder and pray that you can be the teacher each student needs. And with class sizes increasing and with teaching an extra class this year (did I mention there is no longer extra pay for teaching extra classes? Instead I feel grateful not to have to be the one to bring about vigilante justice in hallways and study halls as a supervisory?) that's an awful lot of students to worry about.
I went through the astronaut phase, the police officer phase, and even the soldier phase (people who know me will be surprised by that one!) as I grew up, but the one I always returned to was TEACHER. My favorite people were teachers.
Even the ones who taught classes I was not good at ((coughmathcough)) were always somehow able to teach me something and make school a good safe place for a kid who felt out of step with her peers in almost every way. I could do school.
I was a joiner. I was in everything from French club, to Students for Social Responsibility, to track and field hockey. I was in honors, but not the super smart honors kid, the one who loved to learn but never seemed to truly get the good test scores. Ever.
As I've mentioned before I've been having memory issues (waking up at 12:30AM to write might be part of the cause), but I remember sitting in certain classes. I remember Mr Merrow teaching The Scarlet Letter , I remember feeling like an unveiling was happening as he showed us what symbolism was. I remember memorizing lines from Shakespeare for another class. I remember my 12th grade science trip, a week at the beach doing biology that was shortened by the deaths of two teachers and one student, all unrelated. I remember art classes, music, history....
School for me was a haven. A place where although I may not have fitted with my peers (now I know--who does in high school??), I knew the teachers were there for me. There was a cushion from the outside world where I got to put on my training wheels and explore before I stepped out. I somehow felt connected to something bigger than me.
So becoming a teacher was never about summers off. It was never about the pay (haha, I will be paying off my loans, for ever). It has always been about the kids. The ones who keep me up at night. The ones who make me smile, laugh, cry, get angry.
Teaching a lesson, connecting it to the outside world and hearing students say, "Wait! What's going on in Egypt? Oh! I heard something about that...." Then having them start conversations and make connections with new, self-researched info that they've learned and have connected to the classics we are reading in class weeks afterward...THAT. IS. POWERFUL.
I was lecturing about how important it is for them to not be the ones who 'get info' from a classmate because of laziness, rather they need to be the ones who stick with a problem until they understand it for themselves. That is what is going to change this world, I tell them. Afterward realizing I silenced the class, I wondering how far off topic they thought I was, I hoped they would take the time to see the relevancy, when one student raised his hand and said, "If you ran for president I would vote for you!"
That is why I teach. I teach to make a difference. I teach to make presidents. I teach to give that kid who feels unconnected from his peers, a place, a safe place where he can explore his thoughts and find books that will make him feel he has a place. I teach so that girl who has been ashamed to show she is smart can square her shoulders and say, "I am smart and it's okay." I teach to encourage the best, whatever path is chosen: president, politician, mechanic, doctor, pilot, teacher. I teach to show them they do have options. I teach to show them they are connected to this world, they have a place.
"I teach because I can" seems cliche, but the reason some people burn out in 5 years isn't the paperwork bombardment, it's because teaching is. hard. work. It keeps you awake. You worry about your kids every day. They are your kids. And then they move on and you get a new batch, guess what? The ones who left? They are still your kids and you still worry. And the new ones? Yep, they become yours and it all begins again. So, you wake up at 12:30AM and you worry about them just like your 'own kids' and you hope that somehow, with some one you made a difference. But you don't always know. And they might not come back to tell you until after 5 years, so you don't get to see your 'product' or the imprint you left on their brain. If you ever do.
And that is a hard thing for a lot of people. I think my kids get more than good test taking skills from me. I think they get that stuff that can't be measured. I try to encourage the curiosity to learn, to make connections. Even as parents we can't measure our own parenting skills by the career paths our children choose. We just hope we gave them the skills to find or create their path/spot in the world, and make that world better. At least that's what I hope I'm doing at 12:30 AM.
And in the summers, I sleep. And then I figure out how to do it better before I start with a new batch of fresh faces, different minds....
Correction, that is why some teachers burn out after 5 years. Some people choose teaching and others are chosen. Maybe. What do I know? It's 12:30AM and I can't sleep. I have woken up two times already and each time I was thinking about my teaching and my students/classes today.
It is like parenting some days, you wake up and say, "Wait! What did I say/not say to that kid today?" "Was that student spoken to by anyone today?" "Did I make an effort to make sure...?" "Did I get to that point I was trying to make when so-and so threw that paper and I had to stop...?"
In other words you lay in bed and wonder and pray that you can be the teacher each student needs. And with class sizes increasing and with teaching an extra class this year (did I mention there is no longer extra pay for teaching extra classes? Instead I feel grateful not to have to be the one to bring about vigilante justice in hallways and study halls as a supervisory?) that's an awful lot of students to worry about.
I went through the astronaut phase, the police officer phase, and even the soldier phase (people who know me will be surprised by that one!) as I grew up, but the one I always returned to was TEACHER. My favorite people were teachers.
Even the ones who taught classes I was not good at ((coughmathcough)) were always somehow able to teach me something and make school a good safe place for a kid who felt out of step with her peers in almost every way. I could do school.
I was a joiner. I was in everything from French club, to Students for Social Responsibility, to track and field hockey. I was in honors, but not the super smart honors kid, the one who loved to learn but never seemed to truly get the good test scores. Ever.
As I've mentioned before I've been having memory issues (waking up at 12:30AM to write might be part of the cause), but I remember sitting in certain classes. I remember Mr Merrow teaching The Scarlet Letter , I remember feeling like an unveiling was happening as he showed us what symbolism was. I remember memorizing lines from Shakespeare for another class. I remember my 12th grade science trip, a week at the beach doing biology that was shortened by the deaths of two teachers and one student, all unrelated. I remember art classes, music, history....
School for me was a haven. A place where although I may not have fitted with my peers (now I know--who does in high school??), I knew the teachers were there for me. There was a cushion from the outside world where I got to put on my training wheels and explore before I stepped out. I somehow felt connected to something bigger than me.
So becoming a teacher was never about summers off. It was never about the pay (haha, I will be paying off my loans, for ever). It has always been about the kids. The ones who keep me up at night. The ones who make me smile, laugh, cry, get angry.
Teaching a lesson, connecting it to the outside world and hearing students say, "Wait! What's going on in Egypt? Oh! I heard something about that...." Then having them start conversations and make connections with new, self-researched info that they've learned and have connected to the classics we are reading in class weeks afterward...THAT. IS. POWERFUL.
I was lecturing about how important it is for them to not be the ones who 'get info' from a classmate because of laziness, rather they need to be the ones who stick with a problem until they understand it for themselves. That is what is going to change this world, I tell them. Afterward realizing I silenced the class, I wondering how far off topic they thought I was, I hoped they would take the time to see the relevancy, when one student raised his hand and said, "If you ran for president I would vote for you!"
That is why I teach. I teach to make a difference. I teach to make presidents. I teach to give that kid who feels unconnected from his peers, a place, a safe place where he can explore his thoughts and find books that will make him feel he has a place. I teach so that girl who has been ashamed to show she is smart can square her shoulders and say, "I am smart and it's okay." I teach to encourage the best, whatever path is chosen: president, politician, mechanic, doctor, pilot, teacher. I teach to show them they do have options. I teach to show them they are connected to this world, they have a place.
"I teach because I can" seems cliche, but the reason some people burn out in 5 years isn't the paperwork bombardment, it's because teaching is. hard. work. It keeps you awake. You worry about your kids every day. They are your kids. And then they move on and you get a new batch, guess what? The ones who left? They are still your kids and you still worry. And the new ones? Yep, they become yours and it all begins again. So, you wake up at 12:30AM and you worry about them just like your 'own kids' and you hope that somehow, with some one you made a difference. But you don't always know. And they might not come back to tell you until after 5 years, so you don't get to see your 'product' or the imprint you left on their brain. If you ever do.
And that is a hard thing for a lot of people. I think my kids get more than good test taking skills from me. I think they get that stuff that can't be measured. I try to encourage the curiosity to learn, to make connections. Even as parents we can't measure our own parenting skills by the career paths our children choose. We just hope we gave them the skills to find or create their path/spot in the world, and make that world better. At least that's what I hope I'm doing at 12:30 AM.
And in the summers, I sleep. And then I figure out how to do it better before I start with a new batch of fresh faces, different minds....
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Day One of My New Challenege
To my family who receive this as an email update you will notice a slight change in my blog focus. Maybe more than slight.
We have so many wonderful, great happenings going on in our lives right now, but we also have a lot of crazy distracting things too. We have our lion's share of illnesses ( Kath's path while learning and growing as a stroke survivor, Nick's journey to recovery with Post Concussive Syndrome, Alex's asthma/respiratory issues, my newly diagnosed neck issues), but we also have so many wonderful, positive events and daily moments. If you check my facebook, I often write them there as short blurbs of good times. However, when I get to writing here, I feel I have to catch everyone up and I seem to start with the obvious BIG and then get tired by the time I get to the good stuff.
I started to write for an online magazine, but they shifted their focus to being less-family and more single-people oriented. NOT my interest AT ALL! :D I am not writing for them anymore. But I am looking into writing for another site geared towards positive thinking/living. That is where I want my focus to be.
Our days are chock full of trying to juggle a family with four kids with very different needs. We both work fulltime, and any one who knows us and the field of teaching knows that it is really a labor of love that is much much more than a full time job. The child care juggle has been stressful as we deal with all the health issues. It has made us truly refocus our energies as a family. And we are grateful that we now have three people to help us take care of the girls when we are helping to take care of other people's children.
Roger and I are both interested in writing. His focus is on writing professionally, although he does have several story ideas. My writing ideas are split. I have a Young Adult story begging to be released, a children's picture book, and a non fiction about moms/dads who deal with children with issues.
My goal is not only keep everyone informed but show you the humor of our lives, the fun stuff. Our lives are joy filled, mostly. Our lives are incredibly messy but there isn't anywhere else we'd rather be than side by side getting enjoying the journey as we live each day. And learning each day more and more of what it is to be a human connected to other humans on this rotating orb.
Have a good day filled with lots of good moments.
"We do not remember days, we remember moments." Cesare Pavese
We have so many wonderful, great happenings going on in our lives right now, but we also have a lot of crazy distracting things too. We have our lion's share of illnesses ( Kath's path while learning and growing as a stroke survivor, Nick's journey to recovery with Post Concussive Syndrome, Alex's asthma/respiratory issues, my newly diagnosed neck issues), but we also have so many wonderful, positive events and daily moments. If you check my facebook, I often write them there as short blurbs of good times. However, when I get to writing here, I feel I have to catch everyone up and I seem to start with the obvious BIG and then get tired by the time I get to the good stuff.
I started to write for an online magazine, but they shifted their focus to being less-family and more single-people oriented. NOT my interest AT ALL! :D I am not writing for them anymore. But I am looking into writing for another site geared towards positive thinking/living. That is where I want my focus to be.
Our days are chock full of trying to juggle a family with four kids with very different needs. We both work fulltime, and any one who knows us and the field of teaching knows that it is really a labor of love that is much much more than a full time job. The child care juggle has been stressful as we deal with all the health issues. It has made us truly refocus our energies as a family. And we are grateful that we now have three people to help us take care of the girls when we are helping to take care of other people's children.
Roger and I are both interested in writing. His focus is on writing professionally, although he does have several story ideas. My writing ideas are split. I have a Young Adult story begging to be released, a children's picture book, and a non fiction about moms/dads who deal with children with issues.
My goal is not only keep everyone informed but show you the humor of our lives, the fun stuff. Our lives are joy filled, mostly. Our lives are incredibly messy but there isn't anywhere else we'd rather be than side by side getting enjoying the journey as we live each day. And learning each day more and more of what it is to be a human connected to other humans on this rotating orb.
Have a good day filled with lots of good moments.
"We do not remember days, we remember moments." Cesare Pavese
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Happy Groundhog Day (Warning: very long)
Ok...so the rascal didn't see his shadow and we are getting an early spring. I am not sure about where you live but we are encased in snow. It is quite beautiful but it will be a long time before we defrost...and we are due for 4-7 more inches today. Oh well. Hopefully that will mean some good snuggle time. I know I just sent out the update from December and it pretty much left you hanging with our January letters but I'll begin again with the issues.
While rereading the update I realize I had forgotten that Alex had an ear infection in December. Part of my whole recent bout with memory loss, I suppose. Anyway, Alex has been home sick from school this whole week. She began by running fevers Sunday that ended Tuesday/Wednesday. On Tuesday we were sent home early due to snow. Wednesday we had a snow day, so thankfully she didn't miss a full 5 days of school. But she has been making up her own work and homeschooling herself with 'schoolbooks' we bought her, reading, and making crafts. :)
Well, when the fevers stopped her coughing increased. Thursday night she couldn't even catch her breath. Friday afternoon I took her to the doctor and she is being treated for atypical pneumonia, exasperated by her asthma, and an ear infection. I was pretty lucky since Nick stayed home with her Monday and Tuesday, snowday Wednesday, Roger stayed home Thursday and Robin stayed with her Friday. I have missed so much school this year, I keep expecting to get called in and reprimanded. Yet, when I go to the office to request early release for doctor appointments, or I take off because of illnesses, they are all about taking care of my family. I do believe they understand how much I love my job, and how much it pains me to lose time with my students, but that I need to take care of my own children too. So very glad.
So Alex is on a steroid, antibiotic and we have a nebulizer for when it gets really bad. It scares her to go on a coughing jag so deep. All we can do is hold her, give her water and tell her it's okay. She gets very tired too.
A few weeks ago we had a very huge scare with Kath.
Monday I walked past Kath and rubbed her head. She said, "OUCH." I walked back to check on her, it was a huge bump. When I looked through her hair to see it I realized that not only was it a good half inch raised off her head, but it was purple, about a silver dollar size.
Have you ever had a time when you are so scared or upset that you feel like your brain is shattering, you can't think? Sadly I have, more than once. This was one of those times. When I called the closed doctor's office I couldn't understand the phone prompts, what I should do. Roger had to take care of it talking to the oncall doctor. We went to the ER. On the way there she began to complain that her head hurt, but we realized it was only when her head bounced with a bump into her car seat. After waiting a bit, we garnered a bed in the hallway with other children. One girl burned her hands on sauce (horrible blisters!). Another was so dehydrated from being sick she had an IV. Kath seemed peppy and healthy, but whenever anyone parted her hair they all said the same thing, "Oh MY!" It was finally decided that although we didn't know of any fall, it was a bump from a fall and not a growth, as my dark thoughts were afraid of.
We had to watch for lack-of-balance. We reminded them she has cerebral palsy.
We had to watch for slurred speech. She is a stroke survivor with speech delays.
Vision problems? Again...the stroke left her with vision issues.
Projectile vomiting. Ok, that would be different from normal and we'd know if things were worse if she did that.
I took off from work the next day, Tuesday, and brought her to her regular doctor. They did a thorough exam. The day after, Wednesday, I got a phone call from her physical therapist at school. She had fallen. She forgot to put a note in Kath's book because it didn't seem to be a huge bump and things got distracting at school. As a teacher, I completely understood (and she was very apologetic). Kath had been working on the low balance beam. She fell off, bumped her butt. But when trying to push up to standing, lost her balance and fell backwards, hitting her head on a chair. (Kath kept telling me she hit her head, but without a note, I didn't completely believe her.) After this, she cried for a few minutes, Pam held her, then she went on to finish the beam, and did an obstacle course! Didn't seem bad. Everyone felt really bad when Kath went back to school and they saw how bad her head looked.
That Thursday night, while eating dinner, Roger asked me what was wrong with my hands. I looked at them and my fingers were blue. Just the fingers. They had been hurting a little, but they were a very weird blue, I couldn't move my neck without pain and I couldn't get a full lungful of air. I went onto webmd.com and ...well, you know how it usually scares you by telling you about 5 things you could have? This time it just said, "Call your physician immediately."
Freaked out? Yes. But I got the girls to bed, and went to work the next day. I had also been feeling like an elephant was sitting on my chest. And I was/am having memory issues. At school, I spoke to our nurse and she told me I needed to go to the doctor. So I made an appointment and left early. I was sent for tests. Xray of my neck and head, CT, bone density, and a series of tests for nerves in my arms. Came back with some damage to my neck, I need to go to an orthopedic surgeon. Joy.
Anyway. Despite all the craziness, I think some of my stuff was aggravated by stress so I am trying to chill out some, get back into my writing.
Robin is back! Robin is back into our child care mix! Unfortunately for her time with us started taking care of Kath who was sick and then she got sick herself last week. But we are hoping that now things will ease up! Especially since we have Robin, Darlene and Nick! I need an army of help! :D
I have restarted my writing. Roger and I had a 'retreat' a couple of Saturdays ago for the Writing Project. It helped to energize us both with our teaching of writing to be around teachers just as passionate about teaching as we are. Thanks to Karen who not only took on taking care of the girls for the day BUT also braved dance class for Alex!!
We always feel like we are going from putting out one fire to another fire. So we are trying to regroup. It will help that this week while my neck is sore it doesn't hurt like in past weeks so I should be able to clean. Yea(yuck).
Sorry this is so long. Felt like I had to try to catch up. :) Happy early spring!
While rereading the update I realize I had forgotten that Alex had an ear infection in December. Part of my whole recent bout with memory loss, I suppose. Anyway, Alex has been home sick from school this whole week. She began by running fevers Sunday that ended Tuesday/Wednesday. On Tuesday we were sent home early due to snow. Wednesday we had a snow day, so thankfully she didn't miss a full 5 days of school. But she has been making up her own work and homeschooling herself with 'schoolbooks' we bought her, reading, and making crafts. :)
Well, when the fevers stopped her coughing increased. Thursday night she couldn't even catch her breath. Friday afternoon I took her to the doctor and she is being treated for atypical pneumonia, exasperated by her asthma, and an ear infection. I was pretty lucky since Nick stayed home with her Monday and Tuesday, snowday Wednesday, Roger stayed home Thursday and Robin stayed with her Friday. I have missed so much school this year, I keep expecting to get called in and reprimanded. Yet, when I go to the office to request early release for doctor appointments, or I take off because of illnesses, they are all about taking care of my family. I do believe they understand how much I love my job, and how much it pains me to lose time with my students, but that I need to take care of my own children too. So very glad.
So Alex is on a steroid, antibiotic and we have a nebulizer for when it gets really bad. It scares her to go on a coughing jag so deep. All we can do is hold her, give her water and tell her it's okay. She gets very tired too.
A few weeks ago we had a very huge scare with Kath.
Monday I walked past Kath and rubbed her head. She said, "OUCH." I walked back to check on her, it was a huge bump. When I looked through her hair to see it I realized that not only was it a good half inch raised off her head, but it was purple, about a silver dollar size.
Have you ever had a time when you are so scared or upset that you feel like your brain is shattering, you can't think? Sadly I have, more than once. This was one of those times. When I called the closed doctor's office I couldn't understand the phone prompts, what I should do. Roger had to take care of it talking to the oncall doctor. We went to the ER. On the way there she began to complain that her head hurt, but we realized it was only when her head bounced with a bump into her car seat. After waiting a bit, we garnered a bed in the hallway with other children. One girl burned her hands on sauce (horrible blisters!). Another was so dehydrated from being sick she had an IV. Kath seemed peppy and healthy, but whenever anyone parted her hair they all said the same thing, "Oh MY!" It was finally decided that although we didn't know of any fall, it was a bump from a fall and not a growth, as my dark thoughts were afraid of.
We had to watch for lack-of-balance. We reminded them she has cerebral palsy.
We had to watch for slurred speech. She is a stroke survivor with speech delays.
Vision problems? Again...the stroke left her with vision issues.
Projectile vomiting. Ok, that would be different from normal and we'd know if things were worse if she did that.
I took off from work the next day, Tuesday, and brought her to her regular doctor. They did a thorough exam. The day after, Wednesday, I got a phone call from her physical therapist at school. She had fallen. She forgot to put a note in Kath's book because it didn't seem to be a huge bump and things got distracting at school. As a teacher, I completely understood (and she was very apologetic). Kath had been working on the low balance beam. She fell off, bumped her butt. But when trying to push up to standing, lost her balance and fell backwards, hitting her head on a chair. (Kath kept telling me she hit her head, but without a note, I didn't completely believe her.) After this, she cried for a few minutes, Pam held her, then she went on to finish the beam, and did an obstacle course! Didn't seem bad. Everyone felt really bad when Kath went back to school and they saw how bad her head looked.
That Thursday night, while eating dinner, Roger asked me what was wrong with my hands. I looked at them and my fingers were blue. Just the fingers. They had been hurting a little, but they were a very weird blue, I couldn't move my neck without pain and I couldn't get a full lungful of air. I went onto webmd.com and ...well, you know how it usually scares you by telling you about 5 things you could have? This time it just said, "Call your physician immediately."
Freaked out? Yes. But I got the girls to bed, and went to work the next day. I had also been feeling like an elephant was sitting on my chest. And I was/am having memory issues. At school, I spoke to our nurse and she told me I needed to go to the doctor. So I made an appointment and left early. I was sent for tests. Xray of my neck and head, CT, bone density, and a series of tests for nerves in my arms. Came back with some damage to my neck, I need to go to an orthopedic surgeon. Joy.
Anyway. Despite all the craziness, I think some of my stuff was aggravated by stress so I am trying to chill out some, get back into my writing.
Robin is back! Robin is back into our child care mix! Unfortunately for her time with us started taking care of Kath who was sick and then she got sick herself last week. But we are hoping that now things will ease up! Especially since we have Robin, Darlene and Nick! I need an army of help! :D
I have restarted my writing. Roger and I had a 'retreat' a couple of Saturdays ago for the Writing Project. It helped to energize us both with our teaching of writing to be around teachers just as passionate about teaching as we are. Thanks to Karen who not only took on taking care of the girls for the day BUT also braved dance class for Alex!!
We always feel like we are going from putting out one fire to another fire. So we are trying to regroup. It will help that this week while my neck is sore it doesn't hurt like in past weeks so I should be able to clean. Yea(yuck).
Sorry this is so long. Felt like I had to try to catch up. :) Happy early spring!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Happy New Year..almost....NEVER POSTED from Dec.
Happy New Year's eve all.
I hope this finds you all well. I did not get to send out Christmas cards, yet again.
Time seems to speed up at the worst times and slows down only occasionally. Only when wrestled to the ground and sat upon.
We have such a whirlwind of things going on, sometimes I wonder how we will accomplish any of our goals, but then I slow down our days, or we are forced to slow down because of sicknesses, and somehow some things get done.
We certainly have had our fill this cold season. I had a horrible cough and when Chris got on my case to head to the doctor and I realized that it had been going on for 6 weeks, I went and was put on antibiotics. I am slowly starting to regain energy. Alex has an ear infection, and the medicine is completed today, doctor is closed today and last night her ear started to hurt again. Kath who usually gets sick and heals quickly has been the one who has had lingering illnesses that make Roger and I take turns taking off from school. The boys have illnesses on and off too.
Other than that we have had a lot going on. Still working on some homemade Christmas gifts. I know, it's after Christmas but homemade stuff takes a looong time, especially when people get sick and those little people want to be held.
We have gotten to see some family, but not everyone, yet. The girls and I took Amtrak down to Penn Station and visited with Chris in NYC. We got to see the Tree in Rockerfeller Center. The girls were a little disappointed since they apparently wanted to see a tree that was bigger than the buildings. Eish. :)It was a great visit though with subways, taxi cabs and great food.
For Christmas we planned a nice quiet family retreat from the world. The girls woke up at 6:30 and I was able to get them to not wake anyone up until about 7. Then the excitement was high! They loved the piles of presents. It was hard to do the prepping and wrapping since Kath has been going through a phase (please let it be a phase) of waking up if I am not in bed and not going back to bed unless I do. So my ability to accomplish any major goals was dramatically cut. But luckily on Christmas Eve Chris was here and when Kath came bounding down the stairs I grabbed her and he finished the wrapping.
We had a very nice slow and relaxing morning that sped up considerable when Roger was napping and his sister from South Carolina said she'd be stopping by for dinner. ....So we scrambled. Basically pushed back the mess and chaos as much as the two hour notice would allow as well as scramble for enough food to feed everyone. We couldn't all eat at one table since our Christmas Village was on our spare, folding table. First ever buffet Christmas meal for us. One step away from going out for Chinese, but it was wonderful to have the boys home for a change (darn, wish I got a family picture, but I was a little distracted, and my camera is MIA)and it was nice to have some time with the kids and Mitch and Etienne. And I did end up having more than enough food. Desserts included. Amazing how that happens, how you end up having exactly what you need.
Now we are on break and Roger's been sick. I finally forced him to go to the doctor yesterday and he is now on antibiotics too. He sounds horrible and apparently learned nothing about my being sick since October since he kept saying, "It's getting better..." Yeah, right.
Well, we are more than our illnesses. I guess I just wanted to clarify for family why I am behind in all holiday 'responsibilities.' I am hoping that when Roger is not working the paper job anymore that he will be able to help me keep all the plates going. From checking backpacks, working on homework, making lunches, doctor appointments, after school pick-ups and activities, meals, bill paying, cleaning, organizing and so on.
So...now let's get to the good stuff. That was a mini update. Now, how will I look to the New Year.
Every year I have made to boys write letters and they get to keep them to look at the next year. I have never collected these letters, they are private. I do this with my students too. It is a way to reflect and honor the past year and then to look to the new year with hope and goals and dreams. ....TBC
I hope this finds you all well. I did not get to send out Christmas cards, yet again.
Time seems to speed up at the worst times and slows down only occasionally. Only when wrestled to the ground and sat upon.
We have such a whirlwind of things going on, sometimes I wonder how we will accomplish any of our goals, but then I slow down our days, or we are forced to slow down because of sicknesses, and somehow some things get done.
We certainly have had our fill this cold season. I had a horrible cough and when Chris got on my case to head to the doctor and I realized that it had been going on for 6 weeks, I went and was put on antibiotics. I am slowly starting to regain energy. Alex has an ear infection, and the medicine is completed today, doctor is closed today and last night her ear started to hurt again. Kath who usually gets sick and heals quickly has been the one who has had lingering illnesses that make Roger and I take turns taking off from school. The boys have illnesses on and off too.
Other than that we have had a lot going on. Still working on some homemade Christmas gifts. I know, it's after Christmas but homemade stuff takes a looong time, especially when people get sick and those little people want to be held.
We have gotten to see some family, but not everyone, yet. The girls and I took Amtrak down to Penn Station and visited with Chris in NYC. We got to see the Tree in Rockerfeller Center. The girls were a little disappointed since they apparently wanted to see a tree that was bigger than the buildings. Eish. :)It was a great visit though with subways, taxi cabs and great food.
For Christmas we planned a nice quiet family retreat from the world. The girls woke up at 6:30 and I was able to get them to not wake anyone up until about 7. Then the excitement was high! They loved the piles of presents. It was hard to do the prepping and wrapping since Kath has been going through a phase (please let it be a phase) of waking up if I am not in bed and not going back to bed unless I do. So my ability to accomplish any major goals was dramatically cut. But luckily on Christmas Eve Chris was here and when Kath came bounding down the stairs I grabbed her and he finished the wrapping.
We had a very nice slow and relaxing morning that sped up considerable when Roger was napping and his sister from South Carolina said she'd be stopping by for dinner. ....So we scrambled. Basically pushed back the mess and chaos as much as the two hour notice would allow as well as scramble for enough food to feed everyone. We couldn't all eat at one table since our Christmas Village was on our spare, folding table. First ever buffet Christmas meal for us. One step away from going out for Chinese, but it was wonderful to have the boys home for a change (darn, wish I got a family picture, but I was a little distracted, and my camera is MIA)and it was nice to have some time with the kids and Mitch and Etienne. And I did end up having more than enough food. Desserts included. Amazing how that happens, how you end up having exactly what you need.
Now we are on break and Roger's been sick. I finally forced him to go to the doctor yesterday and he is now on antibiotics too. He sounds horrible and apparently learned nothing about my being sick since October since he kept saying, "It's getting better..." Yeah, right.
Well, we are more than our illnesses. I guess I just wanted to clarify for family why I am behind in all holiday 'responsibilities.' I am hoping that when Roger is not working the paper job anymore that he will be able to help me keep all the plates going. From checking backpacks, working on homework, making lunches, doctor appointments, after school pick-ups and activities, meals, bill paying, cleaning, organizing and so on.
So...now let's get to the good stuff. That was a mini update. Now, how will I look to the New Year.
Every year I have made to boys write letters and they get to keep them to look at the next year. I have never collected these letters, they are private. I do this with my students too. It is a way to reflect and honor the past year and then to look to the new year with hope and goals and dreams. ....TBC
Saturday, November 20, 2010
...
Yes, it’s November so I have a lot to say. Especially since I have not written in eons. Things were at a fast pace before school began, while we tried to get our ducks in a line and our lessons ready for the school year. And we had the final frantic moments of the DayCareChaos. Without Robin as our constant, we floundered, I didn’t want the girls in day care (Kath) or before school care (Alex). At the last moment a fellow mom from my Daisy Troop said she’d take on the girls in the morning. So I drop them off, she feeds them breakfast and gets Alex and her daughter on the bus then she drives Kath to school on her way to work. In the afternoon Nick picks Kath up and takes care of her until he drops her off at the end of my school day (classes end at 2:23, he brings her by 2:45) before he goes to work. Then I pick Alex up or meet her at the bus stop. My idea is to make even this crazy transitional times calm. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes not.
Kath has been going to a special education preschool. She’s been in a self-contained room, that means everyone is her room has a disability of some kind. She has a blast. She’s learning so much. Her language is exploding. She’s doing great physical activities, she can hold onto a swing and swing for quite a long time. She is completely and utterly exhausted when Nick picks her up. He’s made comments about how easy his part is, once he gets the tired, often cranky girl in the car.
Her teachers began, in the beginning of the year, to take a few kids into the integrated room (mix of kids with learning disabilities and regular ed kids) . Kath was one. They found she had the easiest time transitioning and that seemed to be strong in there. The idea is to make sure she has peers to bounce ideas off of and raise her and visa versa as well as have peers who are above her so she can aspire and even some who struggle so she can master her skills with them. So by the end of this month they will have a cubby move so she can become a full fledged member of the integrated room.
Alex is doing great in 1st grade. She loves math (who is this kid?? ) and she’s reading tons…when Roger and I spell over her head, she knows what we’re saying. uh-oh.) She’s having a great year, experience. She loves school and is an absolute sponge. She and I are not doing soccer this fall (remember last year I started coaching her team with Chris?) Since she was sick soooo much last year I decided to not push it this year. Besides with me going back to school full time, it seemed too much. She missed about 13 days of school by December last year. She hasn’t missed one (knock on wood). She has to do a ritual of nasal rinsing every morning, taking Delsyum cough suppressant (2X a day) and her inhaler (2X at least a day). She wheezes. But it’s not as out of control as last year. Thankfully. Thinking of signing her up for winter soccer or Tae Kwon Do.
Nick is taking a year off of school. He struggled last year and we’ve since come to have him diagnosed with Post Concussion Syndrome. We are in the process of getting him help, insurance takes a long time, seems like especially now that insurance companies are trying to cover the least possible. We know that regardless of what they pay out, we will pay whatever it takes to get Nick the help he needs. This is from his accident when he was in HS where he ended up in the hospital. So much new research has come out…that I wish was out then. It would have saved him so much. Now at least he knows help is on the way. I have some reading to go so I an understand what he’s going through and what will help.
Chris is doing well. He’s working and living in Manhattan. He’s applying to grad schools and life sounds like it is going well.
Roger is doing good. He’s still working the two jobs. Thankfully too since just when we thought we’d start to catch up, our well pump went. First we started September with only one paycheck. Ah, really? So that threw us back financially. Then in October one Thursday morning I woke up to get ready for work and there wasn’t any water. When I called Roger (he was doing his newspaper job) he said he knew (nice to tell me). He was hoping it would just come back on. Oy. So when the well people came in the afternoon (thankfully we store lots of water in the basement) they told us it wasn’t that we needed a new well hole dug, but it was that we needed a new pump. And that would cost $2600. And since we don’t have credit cards we asked if they could do payments. They said no. So before they left we talked them into letting us break it down into two payments. Ah.
Hoping this will be the month it all catches up.
As for me. I am back to teaching full time. I love my job, for that I’m thankfully. I have a really big obstacles this year in way of student behavior and New York State Standards and Regs. Another issue has been that I was given 6 classes (normal is 5). In the past a 6th assignment means that you get extra pay, meager as it is, it still made you feel a little better. But our union voted out extra pay a few years ago. So I have a whole ‘extra’ class, lesson planning, papers to grade, behaviors, etc. Then on top of that there are new regulations about students who struggle. And instead of providing them with an extra class I am expected to increase, improve their instruction within the time I have them with everyone else AND provide State Ed with quarterly updates, written in narrative form. I need to declare what I am doing to ensure they improve. And my name will be on that paperwork. And then my yearly review will depend on how these students do. Some of these students have orders of protections against members of their own family, move around a lot, have parents with drug/alcohol issues, financial difficulties. And yet, if I am unable to show they improved, my evaluation can suffer. Oh and did I mention that many of these kids have difficulties with attending school every day?
Ok.
I’m also still the Daisy leader for Alex’s Girl Scout group. And this month is National Novel Writing Month. For this month I (along with at least 170,000 other crazy people around the globe will endeavor to write 50,000 words). Hoping that this month will be my breakthrough month here too.
I have about 90 students, old and new who are working on either the NaNo amount or the Gaboury Novel Writing Month (8000) words. I’m pretty impressed with my kids throwing themselves into their writing like that.
I guess I should let you up for a breath and I have to try to do some catch up for my novel. Wish me luck! :)
Happy Thanksgiving!
Yes, it’s November so I have a lot to say. Especially since I have not written in eons. Things were at a fast pace before school began, while we tried to get our ducks in a line and our lessons ready for the school year. And we had the final frantic moments of the DayCareChaos. Without Robin as our constant, we floundered, I didn’t want the girls in day care (Kath) or before school care (Alex). At the last moment a fellow mom from my Daisy Troop said she’d take on the girls in the morning. So I drop them off, she feeds them breakfast and gets Alex and her daughter on the bus then she drives Kath to school on her way to work. In the afternoon Nick picks Kath up and takes care of her until he drops her off at the end of my school day (classes end at 2:23, he brings her by 2:45) before he goes to work. Then I pick Alex up or meet her at the bus stop. My idea is to make even this crazy transitional times calm. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes not.
Kath has been going to a special education preschool. She’s been in a self-contained room, that means everyone is her room has a disability of some kind. She has a blast. She’s learning so much. Her language is exploding. She’s doing great physical activities, she can hold onto a swing and swing for quite a long time. She is completely and utterly exhausted when Nick picks her up. He’s made comments about how easy his part is, once he gets the tired, often cranky girl in the car.
Her teachers began, in the beginning of the year, to take a few kids into the integrated room (mix of kids with learning disabilities and regular ed kids) . Kath was one. They found she had the easiest time transitioning and that seemed to be strong in there. The idea is to make sure she has peers to bounce ideas off of and raise her and visa versa as well as have peers who are above her so she can aspire and even some who struggle so she can master her skills with them. So by the end of this month they will have a cubby move so she can become a full fledged member of the integrated room.
Alex is doing great in 1st grade. She loves math (who is this kid?? ) and she’s reading tons…when Roger and I spell over her head, she knows what we’re saying. uh-oh.) She’s having a great year, experience. She loves school and is an absolute sponge. She and I are not doing soccer this fall (remember last year I started coaching her team with Chris?) Since she was sick soooo much last year I decided to not push it this year. Besides with me going back to school full time, it seemed too much. She missed about 13 days of school by December last year. She hasn’t missed one (knock on wood). She has to do a ritual of nasal rinsing every morning, taking Delsyum cough suppressant (2X a day) and her inhaler (2X at least a day). She wheezes. But it’s not as out of control as last year. Thankfully. Thinking of signing her up for winter soccer or Tae Kwon Do.
Nick is taking a year off of school. He struggled last year and we’ve since come to have him diagnosed with Post Concussion Syndrome. We are in the process of getting him help, insurance takes a long time, seems like especially now that insurance companies are trying to cover the least possible. We know that regardless of what they pay out, we will pay whatever it takes to get Nick the help he needs. This is from his accident when he was in HS where he ended up in the hospital. So much new research has come out…that I wish was out then. It would have saved him so much. Now at least he knows help is on the way. I have some reading to go so I an understand what he’s going through and what will help.
Chris is doing well. He’s working and living in Manhattan. He’s applying to grad schools and life sounds like it is going well.
Roger is doing good. He’s still working the two jobs. Thankfully too since just when we thought we’d start to catch up, our well pump went. First we started September with only one paycheck. Ah, really? So that threw us back financially. Then in October one Thursday morning I woke up to get ready for work and there wasn’t any water. When I called Roger (he was doing his newspaper job) he said he knew (nice to tell me). He was hoping it would just come back on. Oy. So when the well people came in the afternoon (thankfully we store lots of water in the basement) they told us it wasn’t that we needed a new well hole dug, but it was that we needed a new pump. And that would cost $2600. And since we don’t have credit cards we asked if they could do payments. They said no. So before they left we talked them into letting us break it down into two payments. Ah.
Hoping this will be the month it all catches up.
As for me. I am back to teaching full time. I love my job, for that I’m thankfully. I have a really big obstacles this year in way of student behavior and New York State Standards and Regs. Another issue has been that I was given 6 classes (normal is 5). In the past a 6th assignment means that you get extra pay, meager as it is, it still made you feel a little better. But our union voted out extra pay a few years ago. So I have a whole ‘extra’ class, lesson planning, papers to grade, behaviors, etc. Then on top of that there are new regulations about students who struggle. And instead of providing them with an extra class I am expected to increase, improve their instruction within the time I have them with everyone else AND provide State Ed with quarterly updates, written in narrative form. I need to declare what I am doing to ensure they improve. And my name will be on that paperwork. And then my yearly review will depend on how these students do. Some of these students have orders of protections against members of their own family, move around a lot, have parents with drug/alcohol issues, financial difficulties. And yet, if I am unable to show they improved, my evaluation can suffer. Oh and did I mention that many of these kids have difficulties with attending school every day?
Ok.
I’m also still the Daisy leader for Alex’s Girl Scout group. And this month is National Novel Writing Month. For this month I (along with at least 170,000 other crazy people around the globe will endeavor to write 50,000 words). Hoping that this month will be my breakthrough month here too.
I have about 90 students, old and new who are working on either the NaNo amount or the Gaboury Novel Writing Month (8000) words. I’m pretty impressed with my kids throwing themselves into their writing like that.
I guess I should let you up for a breath and I have to try to do some catch up for my novel. Wish me luck! :)
Happy Thanksgiving!
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